Paralyzed

That feeling
When you can't really feel
Like you are ok
Like there's something else
Right in your way
Like there's something unsaid
Something quietly boiling
Something underneath
Something roiling

And you don't know what
Thought you think you might have
One or two solid ideas
To terrifying to breathe
Things you can't fix
Though you try and you try
Things that might
Be the most annoying thing
That you do

And you caution your breathing,
Your movements and eating
Your clothes and your face
Tone it all down
Dress it all up
For fear
You do something
To drive them away

Then more joins the fray
What if you changing,
Is something they hate
What if you changing to keep them
Makes them abdicate
That you don't have the confidence
The pride in your ways
To stay as fast as them
They don't change a day

But you can't help thinking
That if I do nothing
If I stay the way I am
That there still might be something
That niggles and tears
The politeness forbids
That thing that you do
To be mentioned
To be breathed
To be said.