Alone

It hits me
Blindsides me some days
Others I see from a far off land
Like the slow rise of a big wave
To crash on my solitary shores
Heaving everything up
Wrenching roots and spilling boats
All thoughts asunder
As the tears fall
Chest heaving
Shuddering sharp earthquakes
Rushing through me
And out of me

Sometimes I'm at the top,
Searching for it
On the look out
And I can prepare
Run to a safe place before it hits

Other times I'm not looking
I'm watching the other side
Or the inside
Enjoying the peacefulness of me
And it hits me in the back of the head
Shatters the tears
Breaks the sob
In the middle of a dark party
A loud pub
A line for the bank

And it rushes me
The questions
The pain
The loneliness
The terror of age

And I cry
And then

Then

Then if flows over me
It flows through me
Through the tall strong oaks
Over deep bedrock
To flow out the other side
And it leaves some damage
And it has some pain

But tomorrow dawns brighter
After the rain.